Not often do I share my true personal thoughts and feelings but on this day I am. On this day I have been struggling more then others and I have always done better when writing about it. Without getting into the nitty gritty here is just the basis of my recent thoughts.
I am not faithful. Why would he bless me if I am not faithful like I should be? Does God love each of his children more then the other? Does he have a favorite? I am one that has been use to being Grandma's favorite or actually enjoying the company of my teachers, some call that a brown noser but I have really always liked my teachers. Although, I long for it with my whole heart I never feel there, I always feel a plant away.
Don't get me wrong I know I have been plenty blessed with an amazing husband and every point of my pregnancy with Gracie and getting her here. So I have seen the blessings poor in, I have had those moments where I have seen his work in my life thru high school and college. In hard lessons and thru struggles, I have seen his blessings, grace and love. Sometimes I feel like I have not had a close moment in along time one that makes me feel close to him. Like when you have not connected with a friend in a while but after that good conversation whether thru email, phone or over coffee. Your heart feels full, joyful and again FULL of love. I just want to sit down with a warm cup of Joe and talk and feel that closeness that I so need right now.
I assume and maybe I am wrong you have felt this way too, at least I hope someone else understands where I am coming from, I pray this is a struggle I conquer. This is one struggle I do not want to battle my whole life.